Welcome to LGP!

Welcome to the Leadership Growth Partners blog! I’m excited to have you join me as I continue to grow and share what I am learning along the way. I believe that vulnerability is not only important but necessary to the journey of growth (and in making the most out of this bumpy ride called life), so I’ll start right out of the gate with it.

A dear friend sent me post from Instagram this morning that truly spoke to me. It said, “Hold happiness and sorrow in the same hand and call it ALIVE.” 

For many years, I have been all too familiar with the experience of trying to hold happiness and sorrow together. The question I wrestle with is: How do you sit in the dissonance and try not to change it, shame it, or run from it? As a recovering control freak, I often struggle with not being able to fix things. This dissonance I have no control over has become part of me, and not being able to fix it is something that has distressed me for years. Time has taught me that every time I try to fight the mental battle, I end up feeling anxious, sad, and frustrated. 

Grief is a funny emotion (not really, at least not in a haha sort of way) in that it pops up when you least expect it. I am coming up on 15 years since my daughter passed away, and I have made significant progress in my healing. One of the biggest epiphanies is that I have finally realized that the feelings I have are not going to change; they are actually a part of who I am. I will always feel conflicted on the birth date of my twins. The joy of celebrating one and the sorrow of mourning the loss of the other has become a reality; the tension of sitting with both feelings simultaneously has become a part of being me and my motherhood experience as I struggle, wrestle, and at times concede to the dissonance.

I’m also now recognizing that this complex feeling of happiness AND sorrow – all at once – is showing up in so many other places in my life. As I embark on the adventure of launching a new business, I am again struck with this dizzying dissonance. I am incredibly sad to no longer be working with dear friends and am also incredibly excited to be launching my own business. I am grieving the loss of my former professional life and celebrating the creation of something uniquely me, all at the same time. 

The conflict of feeling multiple things at once is often confusing to me, especially when I am not able to name them all. While I often try and fight how I am feeling (by telling myself to muscle through it, put on my big girl pants, etc.), I am now trying a different tactic. I am reminding myself that being alive is full of contrary experiences tangled up within one another. I am learning to name the feeling(s) and not run from the “mess” anymore. I am learning that once I stop running and commit to sitting in the experience, it loses its power over me. I face the dissonance, make space for all my feelings, give them names, and sit in the tension. I have been so blessed to have amazing people in my life who have taught me it is okay to grieve. It doesn’t make me weak – it actually makes me… well, me.

Long story short, please join me on my growth journey as I launch Leadership Growth Partners. I’m sure it will be full of ups and downs, twists and turns – and more so than anything, it will be full of life. I’m so glad you are here; here’s to the journey ahead!