It’s Mother’s Day…again

Grief is such a bizarre emotion that can hit you at any moment.  As a mom of one deceased and one living twin, Mother’s Day is an interesting holiday.  I’m not sure why, but I thought this year would be different as it has been 15 years since my sweet Kelsey passed.  I thought by now, I would be “better”.  But I have been realizing over the last several years that there really is no “better”.  Whoever decided that time heals all wounds was wrong (just one girl’s opinion here).   

I have also realized that “better” is not the place I am trying to get to.  I have moved from the quest of “better” to obtaining the feeling of peace.  I am a mom who lost a daughter – period.  There is no “better” about that.  I have grown, grieved, and come to understand that this is part of my journey.  I am no longer shaming myself to accepting that this will eventually go away and that there is something “wrong” with me for still being sad after all these years.  I realize that because I have experienced such pain, and given myself permission to grieve, I now have capacity for things I never realized I could do.

I now have the ability to love people while they too are grieving without trying to take away their pain.  I never realized before that this is a gift.  I am able to sit with people and allow them to feel whatever they are feeling without trying to make them feel better.  I spent a lot of time not wanting others to be sad, because I didn’t want to be sad anymore myself.  I have since realized that it is not my job to make anyone feel anything.  It is a privilege to be invited into someone’s pain, and it takes strength and love to be able to witness this sorrow.   

Dear readers…please allow people to feel whatever they are feeling and just listen. Growth often occurs when we show up and manage our own emotions. Being validated and loved through pain is one of the greatest gifts we can give each other.  Happy Mother’s Day to all the amazing moms out there…may you find peace and happiness.

Barbara Leahy